After living in Romania 7 years, my patience with the majority of my "fellow Americans" who glide along here, raping, robbing, and pillaging my adopted country has worn very thin. Most Americans come here in utter ignorance of Romania's near-2000 year old culture, carrying with them sovereign colonial attitudes akin to "plantation owners". They generally have one of three objectives:

1. They seek to sell their sick "American-Taliban fundamentalist cults", telling the Romanians the 1600-year old Romanian Orthodox Church is archaic, and instead, the Romanians should adopt some 50-year old American Jesus apocrypha, roll around on the floor and speak single-user languages, or get aboard the next space ship, where Reverend Moon and Jesus' American dad from Utah await the keys and title to the abandoned Romanian homestead.

2. Or they want to poison the Romanians with Canola Oil, MSG, phony-beef burgers made from stray animals, Cocaine-Cola, and addict all the Romanian kids to the American tobacco sewage, with pushers like giant Golden Camels or cowboy cartoons. Other Americans just pass off phony herbal products, Amway, or even less valuable paper scams like Enron and WorldCon.

3. Or, they want the Romanians to go off and fight their wars for them. Same old shit, just like the Germans, Russians, Ottomans, and Romans did. For centuries, everywhere the scariest delusional demons lined up against "all the other invading empires", they suckered the Romanians into fighting on their front lines. There are villages in England where British citizens still say "multumesc", and have plugusoarul visiting cottages at the turn of the year, because the Romans posted the Dacians there, in those villages, to die for Rome. Now, the geographically ignorant president of the United States (who, until 2001, thought Romania was in the "Baltics") has Romanians fighting in Afghanistan. Which part of Afghanistan do the Romanians patrol? Not in Kabul, the only locale where the new mayor (uhm, I mean, "president") of Afghanistan has any power, but in the rest of the country, where the same barbarians reign, as did before the Taliban was toppled -where the American soldiers are afraid to venture (even with their flak jackets and chain mail underwear, which the Romanians do not have). So, once again, after finally getting freedom for the first time in centuries, the Romanians are trading their right to self-determination for some cheap promises of very distant membership in already failing Euro-clubs and warfare fraternities. The day they accepted this "gift" they cheered. I still wonder why, because the only thing that changed overnight was definitely a loss: Previously at peace with all its near and distant neighbors, Romania has now been awarded tens of discontent nation enemies that America was foolish enough to make (with its arrogant, tactless disregard for other cultures and religions).

Sorry, but that is the best I can say for what Romania is getting from its "American friends. -Screwed. That really pisses me off, because I am married to a Romanian, and I know these are really wonderful people, who deserve much better, than to be exploited by "fair weather friends" looking for markets and cannon fodder.

With a little help, Romania can become one of the healthiest and wealthiest nations in Europe. Romania has everything going for it: the only country in Europe with an export surplus of all natural resources, food, oil, iron, coal, bauxite, gold, and intelligence.

But what help is Romania getting?
 

America thinks so low of Romania that it doesn't even give us a real ambassador. We get some mere caricature, a Washington GS-gay militant, who offends every diplomat in town by his arrogance, insensitivity, and rude indifference to the business, profession, and traditions of diplomacy (caricature, left, sau "clic" aici pentru caricatura versiuni in limba romana).

Friends of mine in upper levels of various foreign embassies and consulates here in Bucharest tell me Michael Guest has "informed them in ultimatums" that he (Mr. Guest) will not attend any function unless his boyfriend (wife/mate/whatever, titles are obviously not important to Guest, so they are not to me).is invited. This means, hypothetically, if the Austrian embassy wants to include the American ambassador in an "eastern Europe economic summit", they have to set two chairs aside for the ambassador, and include trivial flight attendant union matters in the agenda. Does any other ambassador demand such things for his wife? No! Of course not.

Mere weeks into his term here, Guest had childishly offended 4 of the primary political leaders in Romania, any one of which may become the next Romanian president. This is not diplomacy, it is a tacky, shameful vaudeville act. We need a real ambassador! (and while we are at it, it we must have CIA spooks here, I insist they not be collecting child porn, with "gauche impunity and diplomatic immunity".

Now, far be it from me to allow anyone to assume my grievance is merely about Guest's sexuality. So before I am accused of being a gay-basher, I must put my cards on the table. My second favorite British author is Oscar Wilde, and after Turner, my favorite British artist is Aubrey Beardsley. As an artist, I love their genius, wit, courage, and "intolerance of the intolerant". It is almost a cliche for me to say it, but I must, the majority of the most profound, interesting art friends I had in graduate school were gay. Generally, at least in my "ivory tower days", they were far more sensitive thinkers, and thus I spent more time sharing and learning great ideas from them than my "hetero friends". There are several of those gay colleagues that I believe would make excellent ambassadors or presidents. But there were also some who would make lousy ambassadors -or presidents. Like I always say about JFK or Clinton, I don't care who they were screwing, as long as it is not me! (to be precise, and less flippant, I must also add: as long as there is mutual consent, and no minors are involved). But that is it. Anything else is fair, and none of my business, if it is done with discretion, and the political performance remains superior. Gary Hart was not discreet. He was erratic, arrogant, and reckless. Clinton was discreet, if some pervert named Starr had not been digging in his private toilet, on proctological excavations, nobody would know who Monica Lewinsky was. Most Americans these days prefer physically and/or mentally impotent leaders like Ronald Reagan. I don't. I'd much rather have a dynamic leader with brains, who gets up early every morning to go conquer the world. I don't give a damn how many blondes he brings back home for the evening, as long as he served the public good, and did not wear a dress in public, or carry some militant sexual grudge -instead of an agenda book (with LOTS of items crossed off as done, and done well).

So I have laid out my criteria, and some valid moral tests for gays in high office. They are quite reasonable, even the American military has adopted it. Keep your god-damned mouth shut, we don't care to hear about your boyfriend any more than you care to hear about our wife!

Quentin Crisp's "Naked Civil Servant" is a great book I read in school. I really thought about it a lot. I admired the man (or whatever would be appropriate jargon). If I were a public administrator, and he was my employee, I would have supported his right to work, since by all accounts, he served the public well. But if I were president, and Quentin was my ambassador, I would tell him to "muffle his act" from the time he left the house, until when he returned -because he represents America.

But if Quentin ever once left the house looking like this (photo, right) I would fire his ass immediately. It is an OK "look" and "do" for an artist, or an author, or a civil servant, BUT NOT FOR AN AMBASSADOR. That is what I want for the Queen of Romania. Expunge, recall, replace -fast. Send him to Iraq. Or send him to Kandahar, anywhere -but here.

What we have here in Romania, is a Gary Hart. A political suicide case, someone with so little respect for himself -and his office, that he is making America a laughing stock, and most important to me, he is an utter insult to Romania. Not one single accomplishment has been made since he arrived, because he is on a personal 1960s Haight-Ashbury "push-the-limit" vaudeville crusade, instead of looking out for the best interests here, for Romania and America. Guest does neither country its due justice.

We need to get a lot of work done here, in Romania -and it is not getting done with this clown. And it never will, because while all the other ambassadors are laughing, Romania is crying. She deserves MUCH better than this.

Most of my American friends here, who work at the embassy, are like Quentin Crisp -scared to death that they will say something wrong to offend the ambassador or his boyfriend. Others are afraid to voice ANY opinion, even political ones, because the current climate in America more closely resembles the Soviet model of free speech (on paper only).

Well, I have come to the conclusion that when people are afraid to speak out, bad things happen. Like 1933, 1941, and 2001. They are all the same situation we face today, in one sense or another. We were warned 7 hours before the Japs came, and again 20 minutes before the planes arrived. Then, we were warned 6 months before the other planes arrived in New York, and again, 20 minutes before the second one struck. Two different times, 60 years apart, and both times the people who were SUPPOSED to do something about it were either incompetent, or afraid to tell the "boss".

When the planes are on the horizon, it is too late to act. When the Reichstag has been burned down, it is too late to vote. I am not going to sit here anymore and watch Romania flounder in American abandon. We need someone who will attract symbiotic business and investment -not someone who will run them all off.

So, if you have read the reasons why I drew this caricature, you know why I did it -because none of my polite letters got any response, so as always, I opened up my art guns and fired a REAL missile -around the world. It will get attention. Michael may become the pinup girl for Gay Lifestyle Magazine, or get an acting job somewhere. I wish him all the best, a very happy life, fulfilling love, health, and long lasting relationships. But I do not wish him to be my ambassador. He is totally unacceptable.

LEGAL NOTICE: The article, words, and images displayed on this page have been registered and pre-pressed before internet publication. They are the exclusive intellectual property of the sole artist and author, © 2003 by Dana Saur/SchlosStudios. The drawings and words are for single-user consumption only, on line, non-cached, non-printed, and any reproduction in any form, for any purpose, even ink-jet, will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Current USCO law (recognized/reciprocated/enforced by USA/Romania and all other international copyright signatories) allows for single violation penalties starting at 3000 dollars per offense.

ROYALTIES/SALES: Everyone is a whore. All my work has its price, including items published here. All original drawings are on A4 or larger heavy-stock, acid-free, museum-grade paper, and can be purchased by inquiring here

PUBLISHERS: This article and drawing/illustrations have been forwarded to publishers for review. The "Queen Michael Drawings" (both USA and Romanian versions) have been prepared in 720 dpi color separations suitable for the highest quality reproduction (and then reduced in density/resolution, for use here). I intend to offer exclusive use of the images to ONE magazine in Germany, Romania, and the USA, for reproduction with extensive articles I have written/researched/collected about this diplomatic scandal (the articles may be edited freely after contracting, but the images may not be edited in any way). My concept is ideally, to place the drawing as a "centerfold" in magazines like "PlaiCuBoi", to force the USA to acknowledge the "need to revoke and amend this mistake". Click on link immediately above if interested.